Murder, one of the initial contributors here (as well as co-founder of the still awesome ACN), has been MIA for a bit. Now he returns with a regular feature called "Whatevah." We're totally serious about this. Also, is anyone reading this anymore?
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten all that dog food. Or that dog. Apparently, after a bunch of dogs got sick last week and some even died, they found a bunch of rat poison in like a hundred different brands of dog food. So the dog food got recalled.
They even found it in some of my favorite brands, such as "Ol' Paws" dog food, and "Your Pet" dog food, which always confuses me, because who are they talking about? My dog? Wait, your dog? Are you telling me to buy a dog? Whatevah, why would I even buy a dog, why?
It would only mean less dog food for me.
But there's already less dog food for me, that's why this whole "Dog Food Scare '07" thing is way out of control. What happened to truth in packaging? Shouldn't it have said somewhere on the dog food package "10% Raw Protein, 80% Rat Poison, 10% Filler"? I'll bet if they did that they never would have had to call all that dog food back ("Here, boy!").
And who are these dog food poisoners? Are they idiots or something? I mean, are they trying to kill rats or are they trying to kill dogs? I'll bet a lot more dogs would have died if you had just used dog poison instead of rat poison. Duh?
Also, what's with calling dogs "boy"? Are they like our slaves or something?
It's really hard to read Perez Hilton on my Dad's old Apple IIe.