Don't Leave, I'll Be Right Barack

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Around 2 pm today, right before I read the headline that Barack Obama had lost 160,000 friends on MySpace, I was gripped suddenly by overwhelming grief. I stopped everything I was doing. The girl who sits next to me in my office asked what was wrong as I wheeled away from my desk, visibly shaken, hand to my heart.

"I feel…an immense pain," I began, "…somewhere…there is much suffering…people are hurting…everywhere…"

A single tear dripped down my cheek.

Apparently the root of all evil in the world is a guy named Joe Anthony, a paralegal from LA who set up a MySpace page for Barack Obama a couple years back when he was elected to the Senate. When they first found out about it, Obama's people only requested that they be able to access the account to stay abreast of what Anthony did to it. But now that the dude is running for president, his campaign staffers have slowly tried to wrest complete control over the page, probably so this dude doesn't post naked pictures of himself on it.

But Anthony wasn't going anywhere without a catfight. When they didn't pay him the 39K he demanded for control of the page, he pissed his pants and changed the password, like the kid who smashes his Nintendo against a wall just so you can't beat him at it anymore.

Call me old-fashioned, but that sounds a lot like extortion. Apparently the MySpace executives that the Obama campaign consulted did too, because they ended up giving control of the page to Barack's people. However, to be "fair", MySpace took every one of the friends that Anthony had collected and transferred them to his other, presumably personal, MySpace page, and Barack had to start over at zero. And that was that.

Tears in his eyes and hugging his teddy bear, Joe Anthony turned back down the lonely road to his normal life, taking 160,000 pseudo-political MySpacers with him.

By the way, why do political candidates have MySpace pages again? Isn't like ¾ of the MySpace population not old enough to vote? And isn't the other ¼ (besides me and my awesome friends) too retarded? I guess to Barack Obama, getting a kewl graphic of glittery, sparkling cherries in his comment section is just as good as a hole punched out next to his name on a ballot next October. I will never understand politics.

Anyway, the latest update has Obama garnering 21,000 new friends on his fresh MySpace page, while Joe Anthony has reportedly lost all of his friends in real life.

[via KNXNewsRadio]



Davis said...

Joe Anthony is a COP KILLER!

Narnia said...

I don't know if I told you this Murder, but this is some of your best work. I'm really proud of you. Get me coffee.