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Planet of the Websides: Bananas in Space

Disclaimer: Please welcome our newest contributor and intern, "pbj4lunch." A friend of a friend has been bugging me to take his daughter off his hands for a few hours a week, and when he threatened to expose Murder's identity, we had to take her on. Sorry. Especially to those of you reading this while eating...

Did you hear about the new planet they found in SPACE? Well they did! But like, whatevah, why didn't they see it before? I read that a scientist was like brushing his teeth at night or something and then he saw in the mirror the reflection from outside of the sky and he saw the planet and was like "Oh mah Gawd, can it be?"

Then he ran to his scientist cave and got on the science phone and called all his friends and was like, "Dood, there is totes a new planet in the sky, go outside and look up and like over by the moon and above the roof of the ugly-neighbor-who-gives-gross-crackers-and-stuff-instead-of-candy-on-Halloween's house!", and then over the receiver you could hear the other scientist go "Oh mah Gawd, it looks like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or maybe I am just hungry!"

They say we could live on the planet because it has enough air and whatevah to build a mall. Sweet! But what kind of stores will they have at the mall? I hope not the Discovery Channel store, because it is wicked boring.

Wow, I am wicked excited! What do you think they should call the new planet? I think they should call it "Steve", because that is the name of the boy who DOESN'T throw bananas at me in the cafeteria.

Space Roolz!

email me at pbj4lunch at gmail dot com!

[via The Register]

He Got His Hand Back

The lower left arm of zoo veterinarian Chang Po-yu was bitten off by a crocodile when he tried to pull a tranquilizer dart from its body. In a bid to rescue the arm two bullets were shot at the crocodile but it was unharmed. Chang eventually underwent emergency surgery. His hand was reattached.

I've been putting alot of these odds and ends in the sidebar, in the daily dump section to the right.

[via The Guardian]

BREAKING: Hippie Purist Seeks Vengence on Craigslist

Only someone without a job who scans Craigslist daily in search of employment and tickets to see aged hippie musicians would come across this post. This is that man's friend. His name is Davis.

So there are purist hippie thugs orchestrating systematic smack-downs on their capitalistic counterparts? Sounds like it could be an awesome episode of The Wire. The thugs would obviously have to become black, and the capitalist would be the Irish cop. No, that wouldn't work, but you'd still need a cop. Fuck it! I. WANT. IN.

But I do like it how the guy is so unashamed of what he did and like tells the whole story

"The whole thing was over in maybe thirty seconds, but it felt like forever."

Like, all of a sudden, what the fuck are we talking about? Did your girlfriend dump you? Did your sister's puppy get run over? Shut the fuck up!

And then, at the end, the hamartia, as if it wasn't his fault -- it had to be that way -- but he's sorry:

"I'm a fan and was maybe asking too much, but I definitely don't deserve this."

But then, next line, this kid has spunk again! He's gonna "kick the shit out of someone" (or press charges) with your help, people of Craigslist! Because we will right the wrong and turn in the hippie purists who kicked your ass. Your rich, mercenary hiring hippie ass.

Whatevah: Dog Food

Murder, one of the initial contributors here (as well as co-founder of the still awesome ACN), has been MIA for a bit. Now he returns with a regular feature called "Whatevah." We're totally serious about this. Also, is anyone reading this anymore?

Maybe I shouldn't have eaten all that dog food. Or that dog. Apparently, after a bunch of dogs got sick last week and some even died, they found a bunch of rat poison in like a hundred different brands of dog food. So the dog food got recalled.

They even found it in some of my favorite brands, such as "Ol' Paws" dog food, and "Your Pet" dog food, which always confuses me, because who are they talking about? My dog? Wait, your dog? Are you telling me to buy a dog? Whatevah, why would I even buy a dog, why?

It would only mean less dog food for me.

But there's already less dog food for me, that's why this whole "Dog Food Scare '07" thing is way out of control. What happened to truth in packaging? Shouldn't it have said somewhere on the dog food package "10% Raw Protein, 80% Rat Poison, 10% Filler"? I'll bet if they did that they never would have had to call all that dog food back ("Here, boy!").

And who are these dog food poisoners? Are they idiots or something? I mean, are they trying to kill rats or are they trying to kill dogs? I'll bet a lot more dogs would have died if you had just used dog poison instead of rat poison. Duh?

Also, what's with calling dogs "boy"? Are they like our slaves or something?

It's really hard to read Perez Hilton on my Dad's old Apple IIe.

Love,

Murder

Pros and Randos/Hos

This gem comes via Kottke. Its a fairly random gallery of random photos of random people with professional and collegiate basketball players. Its the kind of shit that we at Websides (now in .org flavor!) live for.


A response from devoted reader "noodle":

Those smiles [are] haunting... the look of pure self-satisfaction on the guys faces and the look of "tonight I'm fuck toy and proud of it" on the girls. They're all so happy to be where they are. NBA Ballers just spread self-love and good times whereever they go. and stds. and unwanted babies.

Tkid prefers the pictures with drunks, but my favorites are the ones in which the athletes look entirely out of place:



[via Stew Mac's Ballers via Kottke.org]

Technosexualready Been Done

in this awesome video Seth Aylmer interviews the founding technosexualicist, owner and proprietor of technosexual.org who, as it turns out, is quite pissed about the Calvin Klein piece.

Much on the web is recycled and re-featured. This stuff comes and goes in cycles, and thats to be expected when things like permalinks make permanent record of all content on the web. But this trend, as written about in the New York Times is just weird. Essentially, in a ploy to attract the demographic known as "millenials," Calvin Klein is reaching out to the generation defined by technology in a not-so-subtle way. A quick blurb:

“We have envisioned this as the first fragrance for the technosexual generation,” said Mr. Murry, using a term the company made up to describe its intended audience of thumb-texting young people whose romantic lives are defined in part by the casual hookup.

About a year and a half ago Gizmodo was writing about this (which inspired Seth Aylmer to make this video for Current.tv). Others were, and are still writing about it.

What bothers me is that beyond usurping this term and this culture for their own marketing needs, Calvin Klein has gone out and bought the fucking trademark.

Last year, the company went so far as to trademark “technosexual,” anticipating it could become a buzzword for marketing to millennials, the roughly 80 million Americans born from 1982 to 1995.

Now they own a term that has been used, popularized, filmed, forgotten, and now remembered -- in association with a brand. Its both wrong and clever.

[via THE WHOLE INNNERNETS]

Murder, Tkid, Mutiny

Overhead in the halls by the water cooler, at the websides office. Somtimes I push them too hard, but it's for their own good. Really, it is. This little snippet after some heavy slavedriving:

Tkid: it was us against him man. us against him.

murder: solidarity baby, come on. i wouldnt sell you out, im part of the union too here

Tkid: you are a scab!

murder: IVE GOT MOUTHS TO FEED

Tkid: i have moths to feed

murder: wool is mad cheap

Tkid: ok fine

murder: i have to go, hardball with chris matthews is on

Tkid: i understand

[via ]

Innernet, Innerspace, Innerearinfection.

TKid is back. With a vengeance. And proper.

Ah to be young again. This report brought to us by Canada's CBC and the stalwart Bill Cameron was made during the early years of Internet. Although there is no year on the clip, the report seems to have been made during a time where the internet had yet to be overtaken by Spam and Porn, an innocent time where pedophiles had to hang behind middle schools to find their victims. Those were the days when nerds were still nerds and gainful employment predicated on the production of "Fart Videos" was just a pipe dream. Today Internet is called The Internet and is pirated by rich nerds and yes Porn. Pedophiles surf freely among chartrooms (can't believe those still exist) with hopes of ultimately ending up on Dateline's To Catch a Predator. The Future is now my friends. The Future is now.

- TKid

see also, awesome Nat Ives ramble here (somewhat related)
::: via The Internet (youtube)

Daily Dump Over To The Right, On This Page. Right Over Here ----->

This blog is a number of things, including a repository my journey across ye ol' internet. Accordingly, I've had the websides "daily dump" (not really daily, but definitely a dump) sitting over there on the right side margin for the last number of months. Just to clarify (because special contributor Murder thought it was a bit confusing), the dump is a collection of links that I've found interesting/entertaining/better than you. Please be advised.

Good God! Good Searching with Good Search

The opportunities for charities to make a little bit of extra dough on the internet are plentiful (though I don't really know of any, they have to be right?). The above, however, is the most direct. Every time you search using Yahoo's "Good Search" you earn the charity of your choice 1 cent. Considering that everyone does at least 20 of these searches a day and that I do about 200, we can finally put some change in the pockets of totally needy folks. Like, for example, a charity called "Stoked" that brings kids to the beach, the mountain, and the street to surf, snowboard, and skateboard, respectively. Charity! Right?! Hows about the Websides charity?

They just started their account last month and so far they've raised $6.94. So lets get good searching and lets help a little kid get a new one-hitter/bong together, as a community, for good.

A Few Things, and help

1.)

2.)


Help.

P.S. The graph above is not indicating traffic in the thousands... wtf, right?

[via ]

In Defense of Lines

Gomobo.com is a text-to-pickup food service. You can find more about the service here, but basically it goes like this

a.) sign up and choose your meals and restaurants
b.) input credit information
c.) text your daily orders and skip the lines

I'm not entirely sure how this generates enough revenue to support the *team* of marketers on the street, and nor do I believe this is really worth the effort. Somehow (most likely with enough VC assistance) its sustained itself past the frustrations of establishing operations and is, get this:

...is poised for serious growth, with 2007 revenues expected to top $1.8 million.

I'm unconvinced, and unpersuaded. I'm also cynical, but happy to see Michael Baldwin up all checkin' his text messages with a smile, yo.

[related: businessweekonline, gawker, ]

Buzzkill

Buzzfeed is an interesting, if not alltogether fresh, way to look at the collected opinions of the growing blogosphere. It resembles many of other recent endeavors in blog aggregation, but is geared specifically towards trend spotting. The effort here is to determine the level of chatter on the innernets that a specific topic is getting, and conequently, to bring all of the chatter to one place. Blah blah blah. It'll be interesting to see what trends pop up in the next coming months. From the about page:

We automatically detect new buzz by crawling 50,000 of the very best web sites, blogs, and news sources. Then our technology crunches the raw data from these sites to identify new buzz that’s just starting to spread. We developed the technology to find new things just when they start accelerating in popularity and provoking interesting conversations. Our technology is also supplemented by a network of human taste-makers and tips submitted by BuzzFeed readers. These savvy humans can spot subtle trends our robots might miss.

Its designed by Chris Johanesen (with help from Jason Kottke) and produced by Jonah Peretti and Kenneth Lerer